


Narutostuck: Tall Tales

by Elizabeth Culmer (edenfalling)



Series: Narutostuck [6]
Category: Homestuck, Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Fridge Logic, Gen, Prompt Fic, Silly, Storytelling, Suspension Of Disbelief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 09:44:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6189619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edenfalling/pseuds/Elizabeth%20Culmer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shortly after the Kouin contingent's arrival in Konoha, Naruto attempts to explain recent events to Vriska. He fails. Badly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Narutostuck: Tall Tales

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet was written for a Tumblr anon, in response to the prompt: _Naruto, John, Vriska, farce_. I am not entirely sure if the prompter meant Naruto as in the fandom or Naruto as in the character, but anyway, here is a tiny piece of my [Narutostuck AU](http://archiveofourown.org/series/50711), set shortly after the Time-nin arrive in Konoha for negotiations and a chuunin exam. (Presumably Gamzee wandered off on his own at some point, and Vriska insisted John stick with her instead of following him.)

"You have got to be kidding me," Vriska says flatly as the Leaf-nin in the orange jacket (and what self-respecting soldier wears orange, how is he not dead eight times over?) finishes his story of cosmic war and redemption with a wide-armed flourish. "That's not how real life works. That's some kind of-- of stupid melodramatic farce that wants to be a serious drama when it grows up but has no idea when to _stop_. Also people coming back to life that often is _cheating_."

"I swear, it happened exactly like that!" the Leaf-nin protests as he signals the ramen stand chef for another serving. "It's not our fault you're so isolated on your side of the desert that you didn't notice anything weird going on even when it got flashy. And obviously you wouldn't have noticed the part with the tree and the moon because the point of that plan was to freeze and hypnotize the whole world."

"Um," says John, pushing aside his empty bowl. "I admit it's a hell of a story, Naruto-san, but I think there's one small problem. Even aside from the resurrection parts."

"Ooh, go on, apply logic," Vriska says gleefully. "I love it when you tear things apart." She elbows her teammate supportively in the ribs.

"The moon is only ever visible to about half the earth at any given time," John says, absorbing her blow with the flair and aplomb that Vriska deserves and demands from a partner, "and I don't know if you've noticed, but it does this thing where it constantly changes phase. How, exactly, was this Madara person intending to maintain his hypnosis for more than a single day?"

The Leaf-nin pauses with his chopsticks halfway between his bowl and his mouth. "Uh. You know, I don't think he ever explained that? But I did mention he was crazy and also semi-possessed by an equally crazy goddess who basically wanted to kill everyone, right? It would almost be more surprising if his plan actually made any sense."

"Yeah, sure," Vriska agrees. "If he were a character in a story, which he obviously is because like I said, you're making all this up. Now stop being a dumbass and tell us how you really lost your arm. I bet it's something completely stupid, like you got an infected cut trying to slice vegetables for ramen -- not something cool like the way I lost _mine_."

The Leaf-nin stares at her for a long moment, clearly frustrated that she's not buying his bullshit. Then he grins and rubs his left hand over his spikey yellow hair. "Haha, I guess you caught me!" he says. "I lost my arm in a training accident 'cause me and my friend were being dumb and careless, and I was totally making all that crazy stuff up to see how much you'd swallow. You should tell everyone you figured me out! But first, why don't you tell me how you lost your arm -- I want to hear what you think counts as a cool story that knows when to stop."

Vriska smiles back and settles in to brag.

**Author's Note:**

> When they realize Naruto was telling the pure and unembellished truth, John is going to laugh for _days_. :)


End file.
